Gearing up for Change

I find change hard. I always have. I usually can talk myself into believing it is for the best and there are new adventures around the corner but it is not easy.
I am a bit of a "hanger on" person. I hang on to my habits, I like my routine. I still have a lot of my old childhood treasures. I keep a lot of resource materials like about 20 years of Guider Magazine and files of cooking articles, and how to do web design because I might come back to it someday. I treasure my friends too and believe I am a loyal friend.

The last time my life was totally turned upside down it was a sudden change. In a 2 day period, I was worried for my life and in a week I was thinking my life was not worth living. But it got better, I got back to much of my life from before but never again would I see my world in quite the same way. I lost friends, I lost some dreams of what I wanted to do with my life. I lost a ton of confidence in myself and what I could aspire to do and was devastated by my inability to be the wife and mother I used to be.

When it happened I was weeks away from a large Girl Guide camp where I was one of the key planning people. From my hospital bed, I was trying to use my confused and traumatized brain to think of where the plans and papers were so that it could be handed on to someone else to complete and trying to remember all that I had left undone.

Change, this time, has not been sudden. It has been insidious.  My right knee had been sore 10 years ago and was a problem when doing rehab for the brain injury but did not really mess with my everyday world. Walking with a bad gait due to a weak left side has resulted in a  lot of wear and tear on my "good" side and I have been having increasing problems with knees and back and hips. It has been a slow decline.  Two years ago I had a fall at work and hurt my lower back and hip quite badly. I healed from the fall but the arthritis in my right hip rapidly became very severe.

The past two years have been difficult. Creams, pain medications, cortisone shots and physiotherapy have helped but not been enough to control the pain or let me do all that I want and need to do.

I was placed on a waitlist for a hip replacement and I will be having surgery in a few months. There is a lot to do to get ready for this surgery. I have had several education sessions that are mandatory, I have to see a dietician, occupational therapist and a physiotherapist. I need to make some changes to our house and maybe even our vehicle. I have to have any dental work done ahead of time. I needed an EKG and blood work plus a pre-op physical with my family doctor. I have informed my work supervisor that I will need an extended sick leave.

I really need to step up my game and get exercising to make my muscles as strong as possible. Any weight I can lose will be a help so I am trying to diet. None of this is easy.

This time I am getting ready for the Change.  This time I am getting my ducks in order ahead of time. I have stepped down from most of my volunteer obligations and handed the reigns to others. Someone else is already in charge of the big, upcoming Girl Guide events and camps. It makes me sad. I have loved my time with the art group, youth program and seniors programs I have been involved with as a volunteer.

I hate letting go of my current life but I have to trust that this time Change is going to lead to a life with less pain, more mobility, better health and that there are some wonderful new adventures to come.