Summer Time

Bob is teaching our granddaughter a first song on the ukulele

What have I been up to this summer?
Not really all that much. 

What I have done is spend more time at the lake, more time just cruising the internet and more time napping. With Bob's recent retirement we have had a unique time in our lives to just be together.

I have spent a lot of my time tweaking my resume and looking at the job ads. I have read an interesting assortment of library books including  Get Back to Work Fast- a No Nonsense Guide For Finding Your Next Job which is good for a more mature person trying to get reemployed.  What Color is your Parachute? is a classic that is helpful in figuring out what kind of jobs might interest a person. I even read a surprisingly useful book called- Landing a Job for Canadians for Dummies.  I have even been saving pins on Pinterest about how to ace interview questions.  I might be overthinking this.  I have wanted to get back to work for such a long time. The prospect of a real job is both exciting and a little intimidating all at the same time.

 Recently we have been working on cleaning up a lot of junk from our house. We tend to hang on to old ways and the things we don't need anymore and my heart is saying it is time for a fresh start. My parents were very frugal people. The depression years taught them not to waste anything and I was raised to make use of every plastic margarine container, piece of scrap fabric or tiny piece of wood. My husband was raised the same way so the two of us make a bad combo for keeping things.  We know that things have to change.

Right now my husband is out in the garage sorting through the mountain of stuff we have had piled up for years. We saved all those things because someday they would be useful.  

It is hard to pick up an item and make those hard decisions.

Will I use this item again?
Is there someone else who can use this item?
Have I waited so long to use this that it is now simple garbage?

I have a huge heavy box of record albums, mainly my late fathers, out in the garage and we have a stereo system in the basement that could play them.
I look at all those albums and think of my dad with some happy memories but I don't for a minute think I will ever play them again. If I actually wanted to hear the Lennon Sisters I would watch them on YouTube with enhanced audio. The next question is could they be worth something if we sold them? There is a maybe in my mind about that one but I bet the dollar value selling them is no where near worth the stress of it all.

Now that we have decided to part with those records the question pops up-- Are they garbage after all? If we take them to a charity resale shop will they just have to pay a staff person to carry them to a dumpster? The other resale place buys material that is picked up from homes or community drop off areas by charities like the Canadian Diabetes and it  pays the charity by the weight of the load. Those ol' LP records are pretty heavy you know.

Ultimately it seems easier to use some of the scrap lumber leaning on the opposite side of the garage to make a new shelf and put the record box back up.  We could choose to leave the decision one more day.. or even  longer.

Just to brag a bit we have recently hauled 1 load of "electronic waste" and one load of scrap metal out of our lives and  3 SUV loads off to charity. Our garbage and recycling containers have been filled to the brim every week.

Change is hard.
Really hard.

You can't turn the clock back.

I can't sit and listen to those records with my dad ever again, but I will always appreciate music and I do love singing those old songs to my grand-kids.

I will never again have the kind of job I loved 20 years ago but I think, just perhaps, the new type of job could be even more wonderful.

The Final Week of College

The end is in sight.

Painting by Edmond W. Greacen - Ethol with Roses

My course in therapeutic recreation is going to be over after 5 more work days.  In many ways it feels like we just got started and now it is over already. This has been such an exhausting  and difficult experience and in many ways it has been  positive and life affirming.

In a somewhat overwhelmed moment I told my husband I wasn't sure this has been worth it and that I might never actually get a job.

He said he knows it was worth it. My confidence and attitude is so much better.  My interest in learning is  back. My stamina and energy level really has increased since I have been pushing myself to the limit day after day. Physically I still have a lot of issues and I have more than a few emotional scars from the trauma of the past 6 years but I feel very different about myself right now. I feel a sense of value and direction in my life once again.

I don't know what will happen next.
Maybe I will get a job soon.
Maybe I need to get even more training somewhere.
Maybe I should go on a trip.

I think I might just  relax and take some time to smell the roses!

My Work Placement

I might use pansies for my indoor garden program next week.

I have been very, very busy at my first unpaid work placement for the past 3 weeks. I am at a
personal care home that is part of a large chain. The home is pretty large with just over 200 residents and it has 10 people employed as recreation staff.  I love the people I have been working with. Just lovely people and I do feel at home. It is challenging though. The real world experience is being valuable.


 Next week will involve a lot of assignments and activities that I will be marked on. I will spend Monday at the college with my class and teachers and I will have to give a short presentation about the place where I am working. We are all at different locations all around the city and it fascinating to see how incredibly different all the facilities are.  From Tuesday to Friday I will be observed and marked while running three programs. I choose the programs, plan them out  and I will do a write up about each of them. I am planning a music program, a game program and I have been researching Horticultural Therapy for the last one. I will get to help out at the monthly "club night". I also need to make up a pretend May calendar for the facility with events and activities for the floor I am working on.

I am holding out okay physically, but believe me this is NOT easy.  It is a blessing to be of service to the people in the home but there is only so much one can do to help. There is sadness and loss to be seen there but there are inspiring moments of joy and dignity too.

I will do a work placement at an assisted living facility for May and I think that will also be an interesting experience.

Last Class at the College.. DONE

Today was the last official day of courses. 
All the course assignments are now handed it.  Pheww!!

We will still go to the college once a week as a group but we will be dispersed to different places all over the city for the other 4 days per week doing unpaid job practicum training.

 I will spend April at a personal care home that is ALMOST walking distance from my house. May will find me at an assisted living facility about 5 miles away. There will still be assignments to do with the placements.

I am too tired to blog much today....

We are celebrating and Pizza is on the way!

Moving Toward the Real World

We are heading into the last courses for the Therapeutic Recreation Program that I have been taking at College!

I feel physically and emotionally tired a lot of the time, and there are days where I become very discouraged. In spite of that I feel even more strongly that  I REALLY do have a lot to offer to people who are facing life challenges with disability and aging.
I do have a sense of purpose once again.



My bookshelf of this years resource books and binders!

The past month has involved 3 different
courses with so much writing that blogging fell to the very bottom of my to do list!.

We have looked at Diversity Issues and at the changing face of our aging population.

• I did a paper about traditions and the core values that direct peoples choices and lives.
• We did presentations about religious and other symbols to bring awareness about spiritual aspects of peoples lives.
• Next week our class will take turns presenting group projects about five different cultural groups that are part of the immigration groups choosing Manitoba Canada as their new home and hopefully prepare fun programs that would be of interest to people of that heritage.

We have taken a class on Documentation.

• We learned how one works with record keeping in the hospitals and personal care homes.
• We learned about taking histories that include peoples interests backgrounds and
• we are learning about how to help people have a chance in engage in activities that are meaningful to them as well as therapeutic.

Now we are looking at Programing for Leisure by spending several days at a personal care home.

• We are job shadowing Therapeutic Activity Workers and learning about everyday life in personal care homes. 
• We are helping with parties, current event groups, music entertainment and many other events.
• We are each being assigned a resident to visit and work with a few times.
• We will do a one to one program were we will plan out and care out  program specially designed to meet that person's needs and interests.
• Next we will organize and lead an event for a group of about 10 residents.

Things are getting exciting and more fun as we move towards using all the information we have been learning. Next month we will be doing a job placement.
We will be out into the real world!

The Thigh Bones Connected to the Knee Bone

The course we are on now is called Therapeutic Fitness or Fitness Leadership. This has involved trying to learn a whole lot of names of bones and muscles.  It also has involved learning the function or movement of this huge list of muscles or muscle systems.

We have had a couple days in the college gym where we were required to take part in some fitness activities. One day was working out with all the different fitness machines and equipment and another day we sat in a circle in this gym and worked on learning how to lead seated exercises for all the different muscles  and included the use of  dynabands and weights.
I can't say this has been my favorite week of school.

Tuesday will be the final theory exam (25%) for this particular course. Besides short answer we will have pictures of muscles and we will be expected to identify them, list the function and actions of the muscles and then give an example of an exercise that works on the muscle.  I have been staring at the teacher like he arrived from a different planet. Nothing  made a lot of sense to me but I am getting there very slowly.  I am now working hard on memorization if not comprehension.

Next week we will have to develop and hand in plans for group exercise classes for high, moderate and low functioning seniors. The moderate routine should last about 30 minutes. We will be divided into groups of 5 and each of us will have to lead the other 4 in our planned routine and we will be marked and critiqued on how well we do. (65%) On Friday we will be going to a seniors home and each of us will be given a small group of seniors to do our exercise class with. (10%)

I certainly don't qualify as high functioning myself so we will see how this week goes.  

 

Wish me lots of luck!!

The exam will be pictures like this without words.

Name of muscle: or muscle group:

Bicep Femoris   (hamstrings)    

 The actions:

•  It extends the thigh at the hip joint, (your thigh can go behind you) 
• flexes the leg at the knee (you can bend your knee) and
• Assists in adduction of the thigh. (pulls your thigh inward toward the middle line of  your body

Possible exercises would include:

• leg curls
• squats

I should personally do a heck of a lot more squats and leg curls.

clipart girl image from classroomclipart.com



Theraputic Recreation Workshop

My classmates and I went to our first conference last Wednesday.

The annual local Therapeutic Recreation Professional Development Workshop was hosted in a town about an hour outside the city. As students we were allowed to register for a very low price. It was just for the day and registering for the conference also entitled us to a student membership in the in the association so it seemed like a great deal to me.

They had arranged for an optional bus to the conference site, and the bus was departing only a mile from my house so it seemed like the most natural choice. I was worried about my ongoing issues with dizziness and car sickness. It turned out that the bus trip was fine and I got to talk to some really nice people during the ride.  Unlike riding a city bus, which is constantly starting stopping and turning, this bus ride was really just one straight road with maybe three turns in the whole hour.  I could watch the road out of the front window so that was also helpful with the nausea problems. I really couldn't tolerate turning sideways or looking backward at the other participants but I still managed to have some great conversations.We arrived at the center for the workshop and lined up for the check in. We received a bag with the organizations logo and then we gathered with about 100 other people involved in the profession.  

The event started out with an inspiring key-note speaker who was an Olympian with our country's Volleyball team. She told about her struggles as a shorter person to have opportunities to play the game she loved.


Next we went to one of three break-out sessions. The one I choose was led by a life coach and was on the topic of finding your "authentic self". The idea is that people intrinsically have different styles or interests and that these continue into old age. Someone who was creative as a child is likely to prefer creative activities as an older person and someone who is competitive will still be inclined to be competitive in their older years, If you know the persons inclinations you are more likely to help them engage in the kind of leisure or rehabilitative activities that they would enjoy the most. It was really very interesting and I can picture applying some of what I learned to my Guiding efforts too.

 I took this during the hands-on section of the
 PhotoVoice session. I wonder what it might tell
 us about the workshop?

Following lunch we had another set of sessions. This time I went to a truly fascinating talk/ hands on session about something called PhotoVoice. It is a method of gaining qualitative information by encouraging a group to go out with a camera and take pictures to communicate information about a topic. One example would be to look at risk factors in a neighbourhood by giving kids a camera and asking them to take pictures about what makes them feel safe in their neighbourhood and what makes them uncomfortable. The pictures would then be discussed looking to see what the kids were relating to in their pictures. It is a powerful tool because it gives a voice to people who might not be able to share information freely and the picture gives concrete evidence that can be shown to people who have the authority to make changes. I encourage you to check out the PhotoVoice website to find out more.

 We went back to the main auditorium for something they called a Bring and Brag. Several individuals or groups got up to the microphone and showcased activity programs they had found to be particularly effective.

Bus ride back to the city, quick dinner and then by seven pm I fell asleep on top of my bed still in my clothes and stayed that way for the whole night.

I liked going to the workshop, I enjoyed meeting a variety of people who are working in this field and now I feel one step closer to imagining myself working as a Therapeutic Recreation Facilitator.

First Course Complete

One final exam is now over and the next course with the same instructor begins Monday.  Foundation in Therapeutic Recreation was our first class and the idea was to get us exposed to different concepts about the field.

A major feature of the course was that we went to observe 7 different programs for older people and then we filled out huge sets of questions about things we observed at the location. We visited personal care homes, adult day programs and a lovely independent living facility. We talked with the Recreational Therapists running the programs about their jobs and the joys and challenges they faced in their particular work.
 

I was at a Girl Guide event where we had
a MARSHMALLOW roast

I was really interested in seeing how the programs were handled and I could not believe how different they all were. I had fun watching a music program, and observing a really fun version of exercise combined with some cognitive prompting. (Stretch the rubber resistance band toward the west coast to Vancouver.. now let's aim toward Halifax on the east coast.)

One highlight was the hands on opportunity to help out at a day program when a petting zoo came to visit. The bunnies and chickens were carried around the circle for everyone to pet and I sat talking to several different interesting older people. I was amused to find that while my younger classmates were getting comments about yes nice and soft pets.  I was getting the older people telling me that these fancy breed chickens were too scrawny to cook and then several of them shared recipes about the best way to cook rabbits. So much for that cuddly petting zoo idea!

One of the lovely but still slightly disconcerting aspects of several of these visits was that so many of the residents looked at my cane and my graying hair and warmly welcomed me as a new participant and member of their group. I guess I look like I belong.

The final exam was not that hard but I really did need to take a lot of extra time to complete it.  Word recall is still very much an issue for me. Matching or fill in the blank questions were great and  I really don't think the essay questions went all that badly but darn that word recall problem when I needed specific terms. Somewhere in the extra time I was allowed because of my disability, I had the most of the "missing words" pop back in my mind. I was talking to one of the girls in the class yesterday about how I went to a bonfire cookout and I told her we had smore's and that I had roasted a mushroom on a stick. I looked at her confused expression and realized that I did not say "marshmallow".  I told her with a tiny touch of embarrassment...." and that  is part of what they mean when they are talking about aphasia".

 Exhaustion and stress bring on some of my symptoms that were bigger issues a year or two ago.
... Being exhausted and stressed is part of the definition of being a College Student.

Closing Doors and Opening Windows

Open Window, Etretat

by Henri Matisse

 

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

 

The staff of the college program I am entering, the disability advisor and my job coach have all stressed that I need to let go of my different activities for this coming year. I need to focus on school. I know that college is going to use up most of my energy and that spare time will become a thing of the past.

You know what? It is hard to let go of my activities and social life.  I keep trying to negotiate a way that I can keep doing all the things I have been doing. Moving forward to new experiences means I have to leave past activities behind, at least for a while.

Yesterday I called my guitar teacher and told him I was quitting for now and then I cried. I have put a lot of time into getting that darn thing to sound half decent and I was just started to feel like I was making music instead of doing finger and hand therapy.

Volunteering at the hospital is another hard one to give up. The volunteer coordinator sent me the mailing of the recreation activities they need help with for September and I really want to volunteer with  most of them  but I won't be free. I realized with a smile that my reaction is a good thing. It probably means this Therapeutic Recreation program is a good choice for me.

Girl Guides? Actually this one feels okay. I will maintain my membership, and I will still attend the occasional event with girls and hopefully be a bit of a mentor for the younger leaders in my group. I will kind of take on a Grandma role. I will come to the enrollment and take pictures, I will show up for a couple of events over the year.  Guiding has a Trefoil Group for older leaders to meet for fun activities on a monthly basis and I have participated in that group for a couple of years. I already had to send my regrets regarding attending  a day in the country with the group that will occur on my first day of classes.  I am confident that I have the support of this group of women who have devoted years with a recreation and learning program for girls and young women. They understand about the value of the training program I am about to start.

On Wednesday I chaired my last meeting of the Peer Support Group that I have been involved with over the past several years. I am passing the group on to a couple of wonderful people who have been part of the group and I know that things will go even better with their fresh ideas, I am sorry to be moving away from Stroke Recovery Association of Manitoba but that feels right too. I will still show up when I can and I will keep in touch  with my friends but it won't be quite the same. I talked to the organization's Administrator, Russ, about what a home away from home the organization has been for me. He said that one part of the organization's official objectives is  "To assist the Stroke Survivor to again become a participating member of society through mental stimulation, self-help, and socialization" .  He said that is exactly what I was doing.
Moving forward is what is supposed to happen.

Volunteer!

I have been volunteering .... A LOT! I have always been a volunteer with a variety of organizations but this was something else!

I have continued to work in the direction of getting a job someday and part of the process has involved investigating a number of different fields. I have been leaning very strongly in the direction of some kind of recreation  related job and it was recommended that I get some real life work experience through volunteering. Partly this was to prove that I really do like that kind of work, that I really can do the job and most difficult was to prove that I have the stamina to work a half day job. I was also trying to prove to myself, and my employment support team that I would be able to go to college full time next year for a certificate program.


The Hospital's Thank-you pin for Volunteer Appreciation Week

We had a really hard time finding somewhere that would let me work the number of required hours per week. To best qualify for financial assistance they wanted me to work for about 15 hours each week for a period of at least 4 weeks. Most places would have been happy to give me about 3 hours but not that many!  Eventually the decision was made that I could work at two different places and we would add up the hours.

My Employment Development Specialist  and I met with the director of the Stroke Recovery Association of Manitoba where I have been an active member over the past several years. We agreed  I would spend time volunteering in general ways and also to chair our upcoming Wheel and Walk fundraiser.

Next we met with the Volunteer Coordinator of the hospital where I received most of my therapy.
After an interview process I began volunteering in the nursing home that is part of the hospital complex. I have been helping to transport residents to programs and assisting the recreation directors with a variety of events ranging from Spiritual Care activities in the chapel to crafts, music therapy sessions, movie night and even baking cookies with some lovely seniors.

All of this ... while desperately trying to balance my normal family, and my normal volunteer commitments. The rest of the time I wanted (well maybe needed) to be a couch potato.

I did it. The volunteering was very worthwhile, very encouraging, but also challenging and exhausting. I found that a lot of the things I worried about were not issues at all, but helping with adapted curling proved to be a rather humbling experience that pointed out my limitations. [note to self-- NO more curling- adapted or otherwise]

My required time as a volunteer with these organizations is now up. I had an appointment a few days ago with the hospital volunteer coordinator and we discussed my continuance as a volunteer at the hospital.  I left with dates that I will be volunteering for the rest of May. Stroke Recovery's annual Wheel and Walk fundraiser takes place in June so I still have a lot of lot of volunteer work ahead of me.
.

Surviving the College Course

I have been a busy person for the past couple of months. I am looking into employment and retraining options for the future with the help of SMD (the Society for Manitobans with Disabilities) and this has led me on several adventures over the past year but the past two months have brought the largest set of challenges. I went back to school and I also started volunteering at a hospital to gain work experience.

I completed the ten-week college course in Interpersonal Communication that I started in January. How did that turn out? I don't have the final mark yet but I expect to have passed comfortably.  I completed 4 short papers and wrote two exams. The first half of the course was an exercise in fitting in and getting back in the grove. I quickly became aware of some major learning problems that did not exist before my health issues started. I used to read a lot and be able to easily remember what I read or heard. That is just not easy anymore. The course had a rather good textbook that was set up with an accompanying online version of the text and a lot of extra study aides available online and boy did I need them.

The teacher is a nice guy with a true desire to educate his students. 

In class there were a lot of small group activities and he managed to let me stay put and have the small group come to me so I didn't need to get up and down all the time. The class room was a very "busy" place from a sensory point of view. There was a heater going, a buzz from the lights and a lot of wiggly classmates. I picked a seat to the left side of the room near the front and that helped a lot since I seem to see and hear a lot better when the action is to my right "good" side.  I had trouble catching everything the teacher was saying, especially if he turned his back to write on the board or talked faster when he got passionate about a topic. He has his own issues with hearing loss and was understanding and more than willing to make every effort to accommodate me.

I found that, even though I usually feel like my language skills and short-term memory are adequate for everyday life now, my language skills fell apart when I needed to learn so many new terms. The course had about 25 fairly complicated vocabulary words a week and I was really struggling. I understood the concepts but word retrieval was absolutely eluding me.  Even if through some miracle I recalled the new word, I might have trouble actually articulating it during class, sort of like a stutter. 

The saving grace for me was that the online resources had a lot of games like memory matching games. …find the card with the word and march with a card with the definition. There were vocabulary crossword puzzles, vocabulary sheets, examples of videos using the skills, and practice tests for each chapter. I worked so hard!! Even with all that my recall was extremely hit and miss. The reason I will have done okay on the exams is because the exam format was multiple choice.  Aha! Apparently I can recognize the word and understand it.  On-line practice fill in the blank tests were miserable.  My midterm exam mark with multiple choice was great.

Reading the textbook was a massive challenge too. I have worked and worked over the past 4 years to get my reading level back up again but it is still difficult.  The muscles in my face do not work evenly so my left eye tracks across the page slower than my right and with a little bounce. Reading this photo rich textbook, for content, was taking me as much as 7 hours actual reading time to get through 30 pages and for every hour of reading I would need to stop and rest my eyes for another hour in order to recover from the growing headache and accompanying nausea. 

The partial solution to the reading issues was that online version of the textbook. I had my textbook open with a highlighter pen in hand and I had my computer read the words to me. [On my MAC you highlight the text you want read and then hit Option plus Escape]. I highlighted anything in the book that I needed to review later in order to work on remembering or comprehending the material. I closed my eyes and listened through examples and basic information.

The formatting style of the textbook made this difficult too. The computer reads straight down the page as printed, including tables and pictures stuck in the middle of text passages. This is also not easy because you can't take your time when reading the hard concepts -- the computer voice plods on with or without you.

I still hope to go to college and take more courses in September but I am starting to become aware of how many barriers I will be facing. I have an appointment with a Disability Counselor/ Social Worker at the college to discuss my options for modifications or assistance in the future. Next time I might not get a multiple-choice exam!

The volunteer experience component of my back to work program overlapped with the last two weeks of the college course. My ability to study and focus plummeted and fatigue won out. I am sure my second terms marks will reflect my exhaustion.

Am I glad I did the course? You bet!

I found it hard to keep to the page limit in the papers I had to write for class. I always want to write too much!

Therefore...

I will save writing about my volunteer experiences for another day!

Me? Going Back to School?

 I have been keeping busy with all kinds of different activities but my main focus has been to gradually progress toward getting back to work. 

I was accepted into a re-employment program a year and a half ago and we have been trying to find out what would be a good job for me now. I did aptitude testing, I took a computer course through them and I have gone with my job coach to interview a variety of people about what their jobs are really like. 

The re-employment program is currently trying to find somewhere for me to volunteer in order to get some real life experience and investigate what might be a good field for me. They want me to volunteer or job shadow for about 12 to 15 hours a week for a minimum of a month in order to prove that I could eventually work part-time. It is possible that if I meet these requirements I might qualify for some government education subsidies.

Last October my case manager and I met with a Disability Counselor at our local community college. We talked about the option of my entering a program at the college and we had a good discussion about what kind of supports I could expect from the college. I also told her the program that was most interesting to me is a certificate program called Recreational Facilitator for Older Adults and we discussed how employable I might be after completing the program.

They have made recent changes and that Rec Facilitator program is no longer being offered on a part time basis so the only way I can get the certificate will be by going to college full time for 9 months starting next September.  It turned out that a couple of the classes I would need to take were offered in other part time programs and the counselor suggested that I take one course and see how it goes. If I do go on next year it would be transferred over and it would make next year a little bit lighter. Everything looks very promising, but I must admit that the thought of being a full time student is very daunting to me.

I am currently taking a course called Interpersonal Communication. The class is from 6:00 to 10:00  one evening a week for 10 weeks. I have made it through 6 evenings, one mid term exam and two assignments.

I am not sure where this will lead, but so far, so good!

Graduating from Therapy

Last Friday I had my final meeting at Easy Street, that fantastic hospital rehabilitation group that was overseeing my recovery. My Social Worker and my Dietitian were the only two therapists I have seen over the past year and I haven't seen either of them for the past 5 months. I have had a couple of phone-calls and many emails keeping in touch with my wonderful Social Worker.  She has kept me in the Easy Street Rehabilitation program while we have been sorting out all the issues related to the vocational rehabilitation program and my efforts to adjust to what is the new normal for my life.

Friday afternoon I went in for a last appointment with her before I was officially discharging from their program.  She assured me that she still wants emails letting her know how my life is going.

I have spent a lot of the time in Occupational Therapy learning to set realistic goals and hopefully these skills are now part of my everyday life!

Two years ago I wrote out a list of what I thought I needed to do before being discharged. My three daughters were all in university at the time and all taking about what courses need to be completed and what last assignments needed to be accomplished before they would graduate. I felt a need to make a "grad" list too. I planned to buy myself a particular piece of jewelry from a hospital fundraiser when I finished rehab, just like university graduates buy a Grad ring.  

I may not have completed all my self-appointed assignments before I was discharged, but I have confidence that I will eventually compete most of my self appointed tasks in some fashion or another. They won't be the first "late" assignments in my life.  (grin)

Some of these items may sound a bit silly, but for me they are all meaningful.

•               Shop independently (done)

•               Cook independently (done)

•               Bake pretty cakes again (done)

•               Read for fun and have it feel like fun  (done)

•               Get my driver's license back (done)

•               Make a photo book of the hospital garden

•               Play a nice song on the guitar

•               Take part in some kind of sport or athletic challenge

•               Get the hang of Photoshop 

•               Finish an afghan I started just before I got really sick

•               Get a job

It is really kind of scary and exciting all at the same time to be officially out of the rehabilitation phase of recovery.  I know that this really is a new chapter for me.

 I still have a lot to work on ... but I am ready to be stepping out on my own.

My Vocation?

I am now onto the next phase of the Vocational Rehabilitation Program. I met with my main job counselor and another man from the job readiness department.  We reviewed how I did during the computer class; we talked more about my previous work history and we talked about what we will do next. 

The plan is that we are going to find me a part-time unpaid job that I will work at for a month. They will set it up for me and will send someone with me a few times to make sure I get all the help needed for me to do okay in the work environment. It would be like job specific occupational therapy and it will give them the ability to evaluate how I am doing in terms of my interests, abilities, physical tolerance, need for job accommodations and aids, and they will assess my work habits and behavior before making further recommendations.

 We can try a few different job placements over the next few months in order to find a job that will be a good fit for me now. This will give me job experience, a chance to sort out what kind of hours I can tolerate at a real job and a job reference. It should also be part of the process of increasing my stamina further and hopefully building up my confidence a bit more in the process.

I met with the job placement coach for a second time last week. We looked at some typical job descriptions on a volunteer job bank listing and then we started pulling together my resume.

I thought it might be hard to sort out the actual details of my resume but I was not prepared for the flood of emotions it triggered. Never mind the recent lost skills and lost jobs, I was suddenly thinking of all the poor career decisions I have made in the past and about all the things I could have achieved if I had only made different choices.  People think they have forever to make changes in their jobs and their future, but a life-threatening event makes one acutely aware of what a short time we really have on this earth and the limitations that can occur because of health and life circumstances. I pretty much fell apart for the rest of the evening thinking about lost opportunities.

It is pretty scary to work on getting a new job, in a new field, at this point in my life.


The newspaper clipart is from http://www.clipartheaven.com

Computer Class Began

I started the computer course  at the Society for Manitobans with Disabilities today. It is really a low key kind of approach for our group of about 8 students with a teacher and a volunteer helper. Today we started with Word to make a series of posters. I have not used a PC in a long time and you could certainly tell that I was not using my beloved MAC laptop.  I was surprised at what a hard time I had just going back to using a mouse! 

I definitely had trouble following anything the teacher was doing on the screen at the front of the class. By time I looked up and focused on the screen I missed whatever the heck he was trying to show us, but fortunately that was a very minor part of the class.  The class assistant was right there and ready to point things out to me.

Once I got home I rested for a half hour, reviewed my music, and then I headed off  to my guitar lesson. I am making some very gradual progress there too.

After we finally got back to the house I aimed straight at the couch. I was exhausted.  I turned on The Biggest Looser ... I needed inspiration to just get back up off the couch again.

Tomorrow is aquatic therapy at 9 am and computer from 1 to 4 pm. 

Wish me luck.



Clipart from Clipartheaven.com

Vocational Testing - Results Meeting

I met with the guy that did my aptitude testing, along with my vocational rehab counselor, to discuss the results of all that testing I did.

The testing was not as helpful in narrowing down my interests and possible work options as we had hoped. It was still a valuable experience. Basically it was clear that I had trouble with endurance and that environmental things like lighting and sound had a major impact on how well I was able to work.

A very positive thing to me was that, all things considered, I actually scored phenomenally well on the intellectual tasks. The things that should have taken one day of testing took me much much longer to complete but given enough time I did just fine. The next objective will be to work my way up to part-time employment in some type of job that I might find satisfying. I am not looking for a job with a huge income but I do need to wake up and have some purpose in my day with somewhere to go. Sitting alone at home is not good for me.

I must tell you that I was originally really scared that all my cognitive and intellectual issues were going to be permanent.  

 I was going to be stuck with a lot of glitches, particularly in math and anything involving spatial orientation, and that those  memory issues would prevent me from ever learning anything new. This testing showed that I can do almost anything, but now I do it slower and it takes a lot of my energy.

Like anything where you don't have baseline tests, this process simply gives a snapshot of where you are in that moment. It doesn't reflect where you were and what you have lost or where you will be in the future but it does give you somewhere to start.
An example would be that the tests showed that I have some issues with manual dexterity so that knocked out certain categories of jobs. It doesn't show all the years of playing piano or rapid typing when I considered myself to have really good manual dexterity.  Part of my job depended on good hand-eye coordination. It doesn't show the months of trying  to hang onto an object and move it from one spot to another or trying to even remembering that I have a left hand that I should try to use.

My counselor and I talked about what to do next. I am going to start with a 6 week computer course at the Society for Manitobans with Disabilities (SMD). It starts at the beginning of January and will go every afternoon for 3 hours. There is no question that I have some computer skills but I am mainly a MAC user. This will get me some experience with a variety of Microsoft programs and give me documentation that I have  computer experience. The other big objective is to try and build up my stamina with time.  The hope is that, like so many other issues, I can gradually learn to cope with the challenges ahead.

Testing Week is OVER!

Well, it is over! 

Yesterday was the last day of testing and I did finish off the last two sections of the CAAT test.  One part was a written mechanical aptitude and problem solving test and that did not go well for me.  Pulley? Rods? Which is spinning faster? I called my mechanic husband during the break and whined to him about my lack of skill and he said isn't it good that I have him and I don't actually have to do that kind of thing. Pheww. Perspective is helpful.  

After lunch I tried doing the Science section. I was worried that I would blow it and that would have been devastating to me. I have spent my life as a Science nerd. Happiness is the Discovery Channel. It turns out that it was a snap and I had nothing to worry about. Frustrated little ol' me couldn't stop  from making editorial notes in places where questions were just plain written wrong. Common knowledge is not always the same as correct knowledge.  The guy asked what I meant by my notes in the margin,  and I played science teacher and explained to him exactly what was flawed about several of the questions.  It helped a little bit with my poor damaged self-esteem.

I then did some directed internet research. My tester had me look into jobs that might be of interest  and I went through a big book listing possible careers and I noted ones that I might like. The objective was not to worry too much about how realistic it would be considering my health and abilities, but more to get some direction for discussion and possible careers I could be happy doing.

It kind of surprised me to find that various jobs I did have in the past still came up on my list. It is nice to realize that I don't regret my past choices.

At the end of the day I was given some of the results related to the interest surveys from the first day. Two main profile interest areas came up in one of the tests.  One was "Social" where examples of occupations are family counseling, museum interpreter, community and social services, and recreation consultant would be examples in that category.  "Directive" was the other main category with jobs like dietician, art conservator, flim editor archivist and school principal.

My interests, according to a different test, would include life science (biologist, biochemist, physiologist), social science (criminologist, economist social psychologist), followed by teaching. The surprise add in was technical writer ( scientific writer, handbook writer, legal secretary, service publication writer) but that was without looking at how I scored on the English language tests!

 I really don't yet know right now what good this will do me.  I will be meeting with my vocational counselor in a couple weeks where we will go over the abilities part of the test and look at this interest and aptitude part a little further. Then we will make a plan for my future!

I went home and basically collapsed.  I only woke up to take some Advil and then I went back to sleep for most of the night. I am still not at all recovered.

I didn't go into this thinking the week would be easy, but I sure wasn't prepared for how physically demanding and emotionally challenging it turned out to be. 

Reality is very tough to face.

Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com 

 

Vocational Testing Day 4

Today went a little better.

I was allowed a little more time with that math problem solving from yesterday but basically I still took forever and I think I got more questions wrong than right. I was never fantastic at Math but it is unbelievably difficult now.  One thing I did was write in the exam book! Gasp! I still needed to write on the bubble sheet, but at least this way I could double check that I was still on the correct line of the test. I kept doing stupid things like figuring out the answer and then I would find myself looking for the numeral of the question  as if it was one of the multiple choice answers. That would be my short term memory issue rearing it's ugly head.

The tester got me to do a memory test. He had me look at a page with 20 pictures on it for a period of time and then I was supposed to recall what the pictures were. I have had lots of practice with this style of test in OT. This time I think I recalled 14 items and I told him I have worked on this a lot and have found coping techniques. He said that he could tell I was using some techniques. Yup it shows.

Today there was also a hands-on component to the testing. I think the idea is to check fine motor control and hand eye coordination. I do not think I have a future as a welder.  My mechanic husband would have probably split his sides laughing if he could have seem me try to string electrical wires through little holes.
Worse than showing limited aptitude on those skills was that I found it impossible to work on the paper and pencil tasks that I was personally more concerned with while others were taking their turns banging on the test equipment. Even the sound of the instructor talking in the background was enough to throw me off track.

We also had some tasks sorting cards into different orders. I think I was pretty accurate with those tasks, but maybe not as fast as would be needed for a career as a filing clerk.

Another activity was a spelling test.  It was the old fashioned version where the teacher says the word and you write it on a piece of paper. I had an overwhelming urge to get up in the middle and go sharpen my pencil but I resisted.

Then we went on to a language arts test. We had to dentify punctuation, capitalization and grammer errors for one section followed by organizing sentences into the correct order in a paragraph.
Oh oh. You writers and editors out there show great restraint when  reading blogs like mine!

A highlight of the day was lunch with two of the other ladies. We talked about how much difference it made to be having a breakfast with protein before doing all this testing. We talked a bit about our hopes for new jobs. We also talked about how nice it is to have some structure in the day. You spend your working days looking forward to vacation time and retirement, but the reality is that it is good to have somewhere you are expected to be and something worthwhile to do.

Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com

Testing and More Testing

Today was day three of the five day job rehabilitation apptitude testing. My vocational therapist/coordinator got me into this testing program sooner because they had a cancellation.

I am not having fun.

It is a nice space, nice staff and only 4 of us are being evaluated. It is like doing a 5 day version of a SAT test with a few interviews mixed in. You get there, sit down and get handed a test booklet.  There are interest tests, basic skills, basic knowledge. There are vocabulary tests, mechanical aptitude tests, spelling tests, basic arithmetic,  harder math and math word problems to solve.
My eyes barely track together  across a page now, but that is nothing compared to what a question booklet and a separate bubble sheet can do to me.

I must say it really sucks to have my shortcomings  made so obvious to me....  and they haven't started showing me the analysis of the results.  

Yesterday there was  a strange little computer test to do. That one had a variety of skills to test with some of them timed. It was kind of part pick the best answer for spelling, synonyms, math and some that were more like a computer game. You move the square box over the shape that is similarly or differently shaped or colored as fast as you can.
Much to my shock I got none right and it set off an alarm that had the girl administering the test come and explain in person that the objective of that part of the test was to match the size of the box in the center with the same size of shape on the outside of the circle. Oh my goodness! I could not get it right! I had a flashback to an early days event when I was on the floor trying to match up a garbage bag of Tupperware containers and Tupperware lids. I wound up sitting there crying and not having a clue what was wrong and why I couldn't match them. (I now use zip seal bags or things with lids attached)

Today the test was something called the "The Canadian Adult Achievement Test"

It is a measure of an adult's current functional level in mathematics, reading and language. This battery of achievement tests has been designed specifically for the Canadian adult, regardless of his or her previous school experience. more here

It should take about 4 and a half hours, not including breaks.  I have huge cognitive math issues now and after 80 minutes of math I was barely functioning,  let alone recalling order of operation for algebraic statements.  My head was pounding, my left eye would no longer focus and I was seeing double. They sent me home at noon telling me that they will give me time to complete the other sections tomorrow but that the disastrous last hour from today is now a write-off.


Two more days to go.

graphic is from http://www.discoveryeducation.com/

What Next?

Today was my first meeting with my new Vocational Rehabilitation counselor and it went really well. I applied for this government funded program almost 6 months ago and I got the final confirmation that I was in the program about three weeks ago.

 I spent about 2 hours with J.  and we reviewed the program and talked about my expectations and hopes. We talked about possible physical and cognitive limitations in a work place. We talked about my previous work history. It was a very soft, gentle meeting but it was intense at the same time. He explained to me that it really isn't a program as such with regular meetings, but it is a service that will help me prepare to re-enter the work force.


The short story is that I have not worked for a long time and I have no work references left. I am also vary aware that I won't be going back to the kind of jobs I had before. My last job was as a microbiology lab technician and teaching assistant for the infectious disease department of our Medical College. I also worked as a coordinator for a research program about genetic predictive testing for people with Huntingtons Disease. Eleven years ago I quit my jobs when my work hours were reduced.  At that time my father was hospitalized with heart disease and needed a lot of my attention until he passed away a year later.

 I was ready for a career change so I  started an evening college program in Web Design and Development. I only had two more courses required when I got sick. I tried to go back and take a Photoshop class only 3 months after I got sick and it was a huge mistake. I knew my hand wasn't working, but I did not understand at that point that I was suffering from a bunch of cognitive problems. I  was "encouraged" to quit and work on recovery and I have not been back to college since.

My new counselor covered the wide range of options open to me and told me that he wants to put me in a program that will be a 5 day vocational assessment of my skills, experience and interests that will also evaluate my endurance for a work day.  The assessment will be about 6 weeks from now and after that we will meet again to develop an "action plan" for me.

I could be assisted with going back to school for retraining or I could get to try out different jobs and get references through work placements. They will also help me with specific short term trainings, resumes and other work readiness skills. One very real possibility would be to start with a computer training program that they offer at their facility.  It would be for 6 weeks with about 8 other people with disabilities. That would be an easy way back into taking courses and give me something current that could be put on a resume.
He assured me that I can back out of the whole program at any time and that if I try something that is not working out we can switch and try something different.  It is all about me finding new directions for my life and it needs to work for me.

I have no idea where this program might lead, but I am very excited to find out.