Mental Health Week

Ok...  right now I am asking you. 

Answer out loud.   

... How are you?

Think. What is your normal response?   Did you just say, "Fine thanks and how are you"?  I bet you expect me to say, "That's great .. I'm fine too".

The real answer might be, "I feel great because I had a wonderful day working in my garden, and I am happy to be home with my family".

The real answer might be, "I had a stressful day at work. It was exhausting, and I am afraid I might catch the virus from someone".

The real answer might be, "I am very lonesome, stuck at home with no one to talk to, and I am worried that I am not going to have a job to go back to".

Canadian Mental Health Week was from March 4 to 10. I think this year's Mental Health Week theme is incredibly relevant and valuable.  Don't just get loud, Get Honest and   #GET  REAL  

I looked at their website last week and it really hit me that I am giving exactly that kind of automated answer. I have had friends messaging me and contacting me on Facetime. They care; that's why they are calling, so why don't I tell them more about how I am doing. I am resolving to be more mindful of my answers to friends and family.

What we are doing there is giving up is a chance to really connect with someone, and share our real feelings at that moment. It is so easy to just walk past or just perhaps just be polite but listening to someone and sharing a little bit about yourself can change you and the other person's days or possibly your lives.

Lack of personal connection has long been recognized as a problem in our world, long even before we were faced with  COVID 19.  Now we are even more focused on the impact of Social Distancing and the impact it is having on our mental health and social interactions. Almost half of all Canadians are currently claiming to feel isolated and about 47 percent are feeling anxious.  Even more disturbing to me is the fact that only 9 percent are feeling happy.  

Social isolation can cause a whole raft of other physical and mental health problems. Depression, anxiety and cognitive decline (in older people) are all associated with social isolation and having fewer social ties. These mental health concerns can make us withdraw from our communities even more, reinforcing our feelings of social isolation. It has also been found that the absence of strong relationships can cause early death. One study found that being socially isolated reduces our lifespan in a way that compares to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

                  https://mentalhealthweek.ca/social-connection-is-the-cure/

I really suggest that everyone check out the "Your Mental Health Section", found along the top bar of the above webpage, for several really good and timely short articles that will be applicable to people everywhere.

https://mbwpg.cmha.ca   is the local branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association and the hosts of Mental Health week.

https://www.mherc.mb.ca/ is the Mental Health Resource Centre and has TONS of information and places you can find help.

https://mentalhealthweek.ca/yourmentalhealth/  is the web page for Mental Health Week.

The Shoppers Drug Mart Run for Women, is a huge fundraiser supporting initiatives for women's mental health that my family supports, has been at the least postponed for this year. They are still supporting their current mental health initiatives.

 #GetReal

 #MentalHealthWeek.

A Song for this Last Day of April

This is the last day of a very long April following a very long hard winter.

I want to share April On the Ground with everyone. It tells us about looking forward to the new season, to being outside and no longer facing the storm. He says that it comes with newfound understanding. Hopefully, as we come to the other side of this time of isolation and fear, we too can say we have learned something about ourselves and about our world.

I really like Justin Hines and his music.
Justin Hines is an extremely gifted musician who was born with a rare genetic disorder that affects his mobility causing him to need a power wheelchair. He has now stopped performing due to continued failing health and breathing issues. Justin's songs are sensitive and often inspiring. He has done a lot around the world to fundraise for different charities and has a foundation of his own. I was lucky to see him perform in Winnipeg many years ago when he helped raise money for The Independent Living Association of Manitoba




April on the Ground  - Justin Hines

It's nice to know,
I've seen the seasons in their glory,
Each one brings a different morning,
to my door,

But still somehow,
I'm looking forward to a sunrise,
Where I don't have to face a storm,
to go outside,
Yeah that would be nice,

And here at last,
With a new found understanding,
All the baggage not with standing,
It means no more.

And all is well,
Well I'm looking into friendly eyes,
And I'll hold the hands that keep me warm,
An hang on tight, That's my plan,
Yeah that's my plan,

'Cause its a fine time for April on the ground,
I've never been one for the cold,
And I'd say good-bye to walkways lined in white and not get down,
'Cause its a fine time for April on the ground,

Miles away,
There's a man that's sad an lonely,
His favourite saying is "If Only",
While on his knees,

And he bids farewell,
To a hardened woman he created,
Its been years in the making,
'Cause she's on her way,
I think I heard them say,
Yeah I heard them say,

Its a fine time for April on the ground,
I've never been one for the cold,
And I'd say good-bye to walkways lined in white and not get down,
'Cause its a fine time for April on the ground,

Its a fine time for April on the ground,
Well I never did get use to the cold,
And I'd say good-bye to walkways lined in white and not get down,
Oh its a fine time for April on the ground,
Yeah an its a fine time for April on the ground,
Well I've never been one for the cold, Alright,
And I'd say good-bye to walkways lined in white and not get down, not get down,

'Cause its a fine time for April on the ground,
Its a fine time for April on the ground,
Its a fine time for April on the ground,

Update Time

It has been a fairly stressful nine days since I last wrote, but I didn't want to go much longer without an update. I kind of left things with a cliff hanger last time I posted. 

I know there are lots of people facing much worse challenges, and I am trying to just keep calm. I am painting for relaxation, I am doing mindful meditation, trying to keep to a regular routine. I am trying to leave home at home and being positive and happy at work for the residents and then go home and leave my work concerns at work.

My middle (adult) daughter is doing much better now after her respiratory infection, but there were some ups and downs. She had seemed better from last Friday, or so and then she started getting even shorter of breath again and coughing increased. She was sitting at her desk studying when she felt dizzy and passed out, hitting her head and found herself wondering how she wound up on the floor. We immediately called her doctor for an over the phone appointment. Her head wasn't hurt badly, but passing out is never a good sign.

 It looks like she developed a secondary infection. She may have bronchitis or pneumonia, so she was put her on an antibiotic, a different kind of inhaler, and she was given strict instructions to watch that she isn't getting dehydrated and to have frequent small meals. She seemed much better now and is continuing to improve. 

In the middle of all this, I got a call that workplace health and safety were waiving the rest of my 14-day quarantine, so I am back at work. I usually only work 26 hours biweekly, but I will be picking up a couple of extra shifts now.

My daughter that lives in Regina called about 5 days ago... to tell us that she had to take her beloved German Sheppard, Oliver, into the emergency vet clinic. He had to have immediate surgery with a very poor expectation of success. It was touch and go from hour to hour. The operation took more than twice as long as expected, and they removed a section of his colon and straightened out his intestines. He made it through surgery, and the next couple of days was constant slow recovery at home, but he is still not out of the woods. It is just "wait and see" for another day. She is having a little quality time with him cuddling. I wish I was there to cuddle her.

There have been a few other tension creating situations this week. You don't really want to read about how my washing machine leaked all over the floor and has now given up on us, do you?

I went to work yesterday evening for a few hours, and it was not easy, but I know that I am making a difference. It was hard to change gears for work at first, but the problems of my day went away once I focused on being present for my residents and bringing them comfort.

.

I plan to Keep Calm, Wash my Hands and hopefully we will soon find a way to get a new washing machine so I can wash my clothes too.

There is Muffin Batter in my Fridge!

I worked this past weekend, and when I came home on Sunday night, I basically retreated to my room immediately after dinner because I was feeling completely drained and pretty stiff and sore. I had no energy left for anything. That night my daughter, Emily, made up the 6 Week Refrigerator Muffin batter, and I never even realized that she was doing it. Monday morning, I woke up to the wonderful smell of baking drifting down the hall. I was so surprised and happy that she made them for us, and it lifted my spirits. It was such a thoughtful, and yummy breakfast served along with some juice.

Years ago, when my kids were babies, I used to make a lot of basic food like yogurt, bread, ice cream and jams. One of our most useful and favourite recipes was the one for 6 Week Refrigerator Muffins. It is a pretty basic muffin recipe but made easier by using raisin bran cereal and buttermilk. The muffin batter fits in a plastic ice cream pail, and you can simply scoop out as much as you need for fresh hot muffins when you have a guest or just want a treat. I was a little suspicious back then that it wouldn't be good for 6 whole weeks, and I still can't answer that question because the stuff never lasts that long in our fridge without getting baked! 

During this period of social (physical) distancing, many of us have more time to bake and learn new skills. Still, we are finding that stress and uncertainty kind of sneak up on us, and focusing and being productive can become challenging from time to time. We want to make things fun, we want to eat healthily, but that can be hard to coordinate when shopping is challenging, and our family's daily routine is so disrupted. No one should feel bad about having off days when you just don't care if the dinner plan suddenly turns into a sandwich. Nor should they worry about trying to keep up with the elaborate activities friends are sharing on Instagram. 

(yes grin - I absolutely plan to put this pic of Jasper Dog looking lovingly at muffins on Instagram)

This batter has been a shortcut for me. It is a way of doing something one day to have something special and easy to use on another day when maybe life isn't going as planned.
It doesn't have to be my muffin recipe (though I bet you really would like it) It might be a frozen meal that someone else can pop in the microwave. Perhaps it could be forgetting about the dirty dishes and cuddling up and watching a feel-good movie with someone you love.

Just let go. Have some nice surprises ready for when you really need them and most of all, be kind to yourself.

Here ya go. The muffin recipe.

6-Week Raisin Bran Refrigerator Muffins

 Ingredients:

• 4 eggs
• 3 cups sugar 
• 4 cups buttermilk
• 6 cups bran flake cereal 

• 5 cup all-purpose flour 
• 5 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 cup oil

Method:

• Beat the sugar and eggs in your very large mixing bowl 
• stir in buttermilk, cereal flour, baking soda, salt and oil and mix  
• put in a storage container with a lid and keep in the fridge for up to 6 weeks

•  to bake anytime:pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees 
• put scoops of the batter into greased muffin 
• Bake for 15 to 20 minutes depending on the size of your muffin or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center. 

Notes:

It is essential to use the buttermilk, soda and sugar and oil as directed in order for it to last in your fridge.

The traditional cereal is a raisin bran style cereal, but there are now a lot of other bran flake style cereals out there with goodies like dried strawberries or almonds that I think would be a delicious option.

Plants, Projects and Stress During Social Isolation

It has been a long hard Winter for some of my houseplants.

Winnipeg still has snow on the ground, and we are stuck at home during "Social Distancing," but that doesn't stop the local Garden centers from sending out tempting ads. I want to grow more plants!  In sad times like this, we feel such an urge to surround ourselves with living, growing things. It gives us hope.

I love doing lots of little plant and garden-based projects, such as wreaths, cute plant pots, pressed flowers, and especially photographing plants and nature. This time of year, every container that I really should throw into recycling is getting scrutinized to decide if maybe a plant or seeds would love to have it as a new home. I start looking for any seeds left over from last year and can't walk or scroll past seed displays without looking to see what is new.

Gardening is a stress reliever,

• The physical activity of gardening is a good exercise for your body and great for your mental health.
• You can grow healthy vegetables that are nutritious and yummy
• Sunshine, while working in a garden, can provide us with all the vitamin D our body needs.
• Working with plants promotes mindfulness and encourages mental focus.
• You can find the enjoyment of personal creativity in a garden.
• You can relax and find pleasure with the beauty of your plants.

 The truth is that I am not a great gardener, but I don't give up easily, so I learn by trial and error and with a little help from my friends and Pinterest. Plants seem to have a way of surviving despite my tendency to overwater and then underwater them. My home is filled with indoor plants, and the yard has at least a few successes each year. We are fortunate to have a cottage surrounded by an abundance of beautiful plants and flowers and creatures growing naturally around us.


 Last week my husband Bob and I decided that some of the houseplants had reached the point where we needed to give them new soil and bigger pots or they wouldn't survive. One particular stumbling block has been the Christmas Cactuses. I have four that have been around for a long time and not grown very much, and two were still in the same growers' pots we got them in three years ago. We had fertilized them and watered sparingly but never given them
new real soil.  In February, the little ones both produced 1 flower each. I kind of thought it was one last attempt to get our attention. Finally, I looked it up and found the recommended soil was a cactus blend that had been kicking around our garage for a year. Once we got started, we had a great time. We found two larger pots out in our garage and mover the largest plants over, thereby freeing up their pots for the two little ones. Yes, I made a mess and had mud everywhere, but we got it done, and I keep smiling at the plants.


I also really enjoy running group programs with plants.

 I think the first organized plant program I ever did was with a group of 5-year-old Girl Guides a long time ago. We planted marigold seeds in some styrofoam cups that the girls had decorated with markers. It was going to be a surprise for Mother's Day. There was potting soil everywhere. The girls loved it and were so gentle, tucking their little seeds into the soil and giving them a drink of water. I then started to pray that it would really grow for the girls Sure enough, in the next couple of weeks, we had baby plants. During the meeting before Mother Day, we took colourful squares of tissue paper and the girls placed their little cups in the center. We pulled the tissue up and tied it with a piece of yarn so it would be a surprise. That was the power of living things; exploration and art and gift-giving all tied up in one fantastic package and held by smiling little 5 year old girls in pink shirts.

If you are lucky enough to be out in your garden this spring or like myself, you have a houseplant or two that need some love, I hope you take the time to focus, breathe and enjoy the moment.

What are you waiting for?

I was recently at a meeting where we had a large group discussion and talked about changes we could implement. It was a bit of an exercise in discussing needs and goals and then coming up with creative solutions. I was happy - that's my kind of thing~

The take away lesson was to take responsibility for the changes you want to see next around you. Try and come up with ideas but don't just stop there. Don't assume it is someone else's responsibility and sit there waiting for things to changes.  Just go for it yourself and make positive change happen.

So what are YOU waiting for? What are you going to do to make a difference?

I Resolve...

On our very first cruise vacation last September.

New Years Day has come and gone.

I read a comment on one Facebook post about a group that started off the New Year singing Auld Lang Syne. A few minutes later they made their first resolution.. to learn the lyrics! How can you top a goal like that?

I have been going through the list of things I could or should work on this year and I was back to making the list of things I feel I need to improve or accomplish. Loose weight, get fit,  practice guitar, clean my house, sew a quilt, become a better artist, learn new skills,  and the list goes on and on.

 I usually think that my priority should be fitness. I am really acutely aware of how important it is to keep strong and keep your joints and muscles working their best. That is remarkably hard to do when you are exhausted.  Yes, yes.. you get fitter and then you have more energy and that is true even when we are talking about post stroke or brain injury fatigue. It can so hard to keep up a positive attitude.

I think what I need to do is to give myself permission to reduce stress and just rest and be kind to myself this year. I have worked long and hard to make changes in my life and I need to reflect on what I have already accomplished and experienced. I need to look for the small little things in life that bring peace and joy.

I do try to practice  mindful meditation and I truly believe that is what helps keep me going and positive. I want to try and bring some of that feeling to my everyday actions. This year I want to take time to focus on what I am doing and on the people I am with. If I am listening to music I want to focus on the music and not be mentally reviewing the lists of things I need to do that day. When I am doing an exercise I want to think about the exercise and focus on how that movement feels. I want to spend more time living in the moment. Not all moments can be joyful, but they are reality and a part of life and I want to give my all to those experiences too. 

I want to wish everyone a wonderful 2016 full of fun, joy, happiness and peace!

What Next?

 I checked my email yesterday and opened one from my boss and there it was--- 4 weeks notice of the termination date for my part time job.

I have always known that my job is a term position related to someone's maternity leave. The leave is almost over and changes are going to happen. I knew it was a short term position and thought of it as an excellent way to get real life experience after doing the training. This job has been very rewarding and I have enjoyed my work, spending time with my co-workers and I am really sad that this is coming to an end. I admit it was physically harder than I expected largely due to the issues related to the building. I have pushed and pushed, gone up and down stairs, dragged, lifted and twisted. You know what? It has gotten easier over the past year.

I previously thought I had gotten as far as I could with physical rehab. It seems that working in a 9 story building, where you can't always wait for the elevator, encourages a whole lot of exercise that I would never have chosen to do for myself. On the other hand my neuro and muscle work related improvement is meeting a spot where my age and years of walking funny have damaged my joints. I am going to physiotherapy as needed  and it helps.

Jasper resting at the cottage after a long day of play.

What next?

I follow a wonderful blog The Murphy Saga and the amazing and inspiring author recently wrote :

I've got a choice to either stew over it and be miserable until it consumes me, or I can get busy adjusting to my new life.

 What a powerful approach to dealing with change!

First my husband and I are going on a two week vacation and taking time to have an adventure and enjoy a break away from it all.

I will start to apply for jobs again. I probably should have started much sooner but I was enjoying being settled into this life. I am optimistic that I will find another part time job .. hopefully a permanent one!

Maybe I will take some more courses, maybe I will actually spend time practicing guitar maybe do some different type of volunteering. There are so many new things out there that I could try out..

or

 Maybe I should follow Jasper's lead and just take more time to nap.

So Many Little Changes

I have not written for such a long time and it has been good for me to take a break from blogging. I am still working at my small part-time job and I am gradually getting used to working. It seems to have changed a lot of the little aspects of my life.

Clothing.. I need more of them. I had a jeans, sweater and t-shirt wardrobe. Now I need dress pants or active wear clothing. I need cooler dressier shirts that are good for moving in a warm building. I personally need shoes that give really good support.

Sleeping... I need to get up at 7 in the morning and I have to be well rested. I go to bed .. start thinking and then have trouble falling asleep. Lately I am back to using meditation at night to try and keep me level.

Remembering... I try so hard to remember names and other information. I think I am doing better but it is still not easy for me when the pressure is on.

Meals... I need to pack a lunch and eat in a lunch room and that still feels weird.

Co-workers... really new to me and it is fun to have co-workers to chat with who are doing similar jobs. In my last working life I had a boss and no one working with me or under me.

Swipe cards.. I have to swipe in and out at work to track my work time... that is new to me too. I live in fear of breaking or loosing the thing.

Housework.. Not one of my priorities at the moment, but we will catch up eventually.

Fitness... This has two sides to it. My endurance has shown a huge improvement. My legs and hips are building muscles. The flip side is my knee and shoulder joints are getting worse fast. Arthritis is winning and I am back to visiting my doctor.

Paychecks... Direct deposit is good. I set up an account for my earnings and the amount is going up slowly. I don't work a lot so progress is not spectacular.

 

I know that none of this stuff is too exciting or too important- just part of my days now.

 

 

 

Summer Time

Bob is teaching our granddaughter a first song on the ukulele

What have I been up to this summer?
Not really all that much. 

What I have done is spend more time at the lake, more time just cruising the internet and more time napping. With Bob's recent retirement we have had a unique time in our lives to just be together.

I have spent a lot of my time tweaking my resume and looking at the job ads. I have read an interesting assortment of library books including  Get Back to Work Fast- a No Nonsense Guide For Finding Your Next Job which is good for a more mature person trying to get reemployed.  What Color is your Parachute? is a classic that is helpful in figuring out what kind of jobs might interest a person. I even read a surprisingly useful book called- Landing a Job for Canadians for Dummies.  I have even been saving pins on Pinterest about how to ace interview questions.  I might be overthinking this.  I have wanted to get back to work for such a long time. The prospect of a real job is both exciting and a little intimidating all at the same time.

 Recently we have been working on cleaning up a lot of junk from our house. We tend to hang on to old ways and the things we don't need anymore and my heart is saying it is time for a fresh start. My parents were very frugal people. The depression years taught them not to waste anything and I was raised to make use of every plastic margarine container, piece of scrap fabric or tiny piece of wood. My husband was raised the same way so the two of us make a bad combo for keeping things.  We know that things have to change.

Right now my husband is out in the garage sorting through the mountain of stuff we have had piled up for years. We saved all those things because someday they would be useful.  

It is hard to pick up an item and make those hard decisions.

Will I use this item again?
Is there someone else who can use this item?
Have I waited so long to use this that it is now simple garbage?

I have a huge heavy box of record albums, mainly my late fathers, out in the garage and we have a stereo system in the basement that could play them.
I look at all those albums and think of my dad with some happy memories but I don't for a minute think I will ever play them again. If I actually wanted to hear the Lennon Sisters I would watch them on YouTube with enhanced audio. The next question is could they be worth something if we sold them? There is a maybe in my mind about that one but I bet the dollar value selling them is no where near worth the stress of it all.

Now that we have decided to part with those records the question pops up-- Are they garbage after all? If we take them to a charity resale shop will they just have to pay a staff person to carry them to a dumpster? The other resale place buys material that is picked up from homes or community drop off areas by charities like the Canadian Diabetes and it  pays the charity by the weight of the load. Those ol' LP records are pretty heavy you know.

Ultimately it seems easier to use some of the scrap lumber leaning on the opposite side of the garage to make a new shelf and put the record box back up.  We could choose to leave the decision one more day.. or even  longer.

Just to brag a bit we have recently hauled 1 load of "electronic waste" and one load of scrap metal out of our lives and  3 SUV loads off to charity. Our garbage and recycling containers have been filled to the brim every week.

Change is hard.
Really hard.

You can't turn the clock back.

I can't sit and listen to those records with my dad ever again, but I will always appreciate music and I do love singing those old songs to my grand-kids.

I will never again have the kind of job I loved 20 years ago but I think, just perhaps, the new type of job could be even more wonderful.

The Final Week of College

The end is in sight.

Painting by Edmond W. Greacen - Ethol with Roses

My course in therapeutic recreation is going to be over after 5 more work days.  In many ways it feels like we just got started and now it is over already. This has been such an exhausting  and difficult experience and in many ways it has been  positive and life affirming.

In a somewhat overwhelmed moment I told my husband I wasn't sure this has been worth it and that I might never actually get a job.

He said he knows it was worth it. My confidence and attitude is so much better.  My interest in learning is  back. My stamina and energy level really has increased since I have been pushing myself to the limit day after day. Physically I still have a lot of issues and I have more than a few emotional scars from the trauma of the past 6 years but I feel very different about myself right now. I feel a sense of value and direction in my life once again.

I don't know what will happen next.
Maybe I will get a job soon.
Maybe I need to get even more training somewhere.
Maybe I should go on a trip.

I think I might just  relax and take some time to smell the roses!

Do you watch "Ted Talks"?

Do you ever watch TED talks? It is a wonderful way to hear some amazing experts and inspiring people talk about a subject for 20 minutes. TED is a non-profit organization that uses the tag line-- Ideas Worth Spreading.  It began about 20 years ago with a conference to bring together people involved in the disciplines of Technology, Entertainment and Design.

Janine Shepherd, a former cross country skier suffered serious injury when hit by a truck during an Olympic training ride. She decided if she might never walk again she might as well learn to fly!  Her message is that you are not your body, and giving up old dreams can allow new ones to soar.

I hope you enjoy this talk. I found her to be inspiring and entertaining.

Sorting Papers

I am sorting through recipes, scraps of paper with addresses, magazine articles and greeting cards and a lot of notes that were written to jog my faulty short term memory. During the first couple of years after I got sick I  picked up every health care pamphlet and every more or less inspirational message I could find.

With my wavering cognitive abilities at the time I had trouble determining what to keep and what to throw out so I kept a lot of boxes and zip lock bags full of random items. I did not know who or what to believe in as I experienced the uncertainty of my illness. I did find a lot of comfort in my religious beliefs.

Today I found a little scrap of brown paper, torn from the corner of a fast food bag, where I had written the words:

 

"Kyrie Eleison- Down the road that I must travel".

I have no recollection of writing this little note to myself but it still resonates very strongly with me. Life can be a pretty hard road with a lot of uncertainty and fear but here are lots of wonderful joyous moments too. Kyrie eleison... means Lord have Mercy and is part of the church services I have attended since childhood.

The song I will have remembered these words from  is Kyrie
The lyrics are by John Lang and the music by Richard Page and Steve George and were performed by Mr Mister.

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night

I also especially like the lyrics-- my heart is old, it holds my memories. These boxes of papers are not going to fill in my confused memories from that period of my life. The things that are important to know are already held within my heart.





The wind blows hard against this mountain side,
across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide,
setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old, it holds my memories,
my body burns a gem like flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine,
is where I find myself again

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

When I was young I thought of growing old,
of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road,
or only wished what I could be