Mental Health Week

Ok...  right now I am asking you. 

Answer out loud.   

... How are you?

Think. What is your normal response?   Did you just say, "Fine thanks and how are you"?  I bet you expect me to say, "That's great .. I'm fine too".

The real answer might be, "I feel great because I had a wonderful day working in my garden, and I am happy to be home with my family".

The real answer might be, "I had a stressful day at work. It was exhausting, and I am afraid I might catch the virus from someone".

The real answer might be, "I am very lonesome, stuck at home with no one to talk to, and I am worried that I am not going to have a job to go back to".

Canadian Mental Health Week was from March 4 to 10. I think this year's Mental Health Week theme is incredibly relevant and valuable.  Don't just get loud, Get Honest and   #GET  REAL  

I looked at their website last week and it really hit me that I am giving exactly that kind of automated answer. I have had friends messaging me and contacting me on Facetime. They care; that's why they are calling, so why don't I tell them more about how I am doing. I am resolving to be more mindful of my answers to friends and family.

What we are doing there is giving up is a chance to really connect with someone, and share our real feelings at that moment. It is so easy to just walk past or just perhaps just be polite but listening to someone and sharing a little bit about yourself can change you and the other person's days or possibly your lives.

Lack of personal connection has long been recognized as a problem in our world, long even before we were faced with  COVID 19.  Now we are even more focused on the impact of Social Distancing and the impact it is having on our mental health and social interactions. Almost half of all Canadians are currently claiming to feel isolated and about 47 percent are feeling anxious.  Even more disturbing to me is the fact that only 9 percent are feeling happy.  

Social isolation can cause a whole raft of other physical and mental health problems. Depression, anxiety and cognitive decline (in older people) are all associated with social isolation and having fewer social ties. These mental health concerns can make us withdraw from our communities even more, reinforcing our feelings of social isolation. It has also been found that the absence of strong relationships can cause early death. One study found that being socially isolated reduces our lifespan in a way that compares to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

                  https://mentalhealthweek.ca/social-connection-is-the-cure/

I really suggest that everyone check out the "Your Mental Health Section", found along the top bar of the above webpage, for several really good and timely short articles that will be applicable to people everywhere.

https://mbwpg.cmha.ca   is the local branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association and the hosts of Mental Health week.

https://www.mherc.mb.ca/ is the Mental Health Resource Centre and has TONS of information and places you can find help.

https://mentalhealthweek.ca/yourmentalhealth/  is the web page for Mental Health Week.

The Shoppers Drug Mart Run for Women, is a huge fundraiser supporting initiatives for women's mental health that my family supports, has been at the least postponed for this year. They are still supporting their current mental health initiatives.

 #GetReal

 #MentalHealthWeek.

When Our Goals are No Longer Right for Us

I have spent this evening fighting to input info into a database program for one of my volunteer recreation activities.  I think I played with it for over 2 hours before I came to the conclusion that it wasn't me doing something wrong.  The program is glitchy. Truly Glitchy. Why did it take me so long to give up?

I reported 2 bugs in the past few months and eventually they got fixed and I was feeling happier about how the program was operating. When I used it today I got frustrated and I kept trying, again and again, thinking "what if" I do this or remove and re-add the troubled option? Nope. I tried rebooting my computer. Nope.

It was late at night before I decided it was out of my control and nothing I did was going to change the outcome. I would need to wait until the glitch actually gets fixed.
Why did I waste so much time?

I think being stubborn and maybe a little obsessive has actually worked in my favour and gotten me through a lot of hard times. But NOT Always.

One of my blogging friends recently wrote about changing an important life goal after 9 years of frustration. She questioned her readers "Is this giving up?".   It is a hard question. She is going to keep working on the needed physical skill itself so her readers agreed that it is not giving up but simply working towards her goal in a less frustrating way.

Why are we so hard on people who are giving up, or changing their goals and dreams? Why are we so hard on ourselves?

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways. 1 Corinthians 13:11

Change is continual through our lives and is not restricted to the coming of adulthood, Sometimes as adults, we need to accept that change in a necessary part of our lives and sometimes a sign of personal growth

 If something is no longer your passion, no longer useful or perhaps just not a priority anymore why do we stubbornly hang on to it?  It must be a little different for everyone. Could it be a habit that we feel secure in? Could we be afraid of humiliation and being seen as a failure? Maybe we are scared of that unknown step just beyond us into the future and fear that that step will take us into a worse place than we are in now.

What I believe is wrong is procrastinating so long that fear of that change leaves you waiting in a place that is negative and damaging. It gets in the way of your hopes and dreams and perhaps the needs of others around you.

Lately, I have been watching Marie Kondo on Netflix. She is famous for bringing her organizational strategies to people who are struggling with their physical spaces. Her approach is to take individual items and ask if they give you Joy as a way of deciding what to declutter. If an item is no longer wanted, she says to thank the item and then let it go. Watching this show I am finding that her method is much more charming, practical and hopeful than I expected.
If millions of people are benefiting from her method for decluttering their belongings how many others would benefit from taking such a kind approach to their life choices?

Set those goals and ambitions but don't forget to keep reevaluating your choices to be sure they are still right for you.  If your thoughts about what you are doing give you JOY you are on the right track.  If you decide this is no longer something that you want to do or be, let it go. Release it and be ready to make changes but don't forget to be kind to yourself and be thankful it for what you have learned along the way.

Your past choices and experiences have strengthened you and made you ready for what is yet to come.

Sharing New Ideas Here

I would like to start  sharing more of the resources and different projects I do with my art groups and some other therapeutic recreation interests on this blog.

I have felt very uncertain about putting actual programs up on the blog. It is a little bit unnerving somehow. Leading a Healthy Life is and always will be about my personal journey and the things I feel passionate about.  I have shared a lot of personal information here over the past nine years since I started this blog on the advice of my occupational therapist.

I keep thinking that I should open some kind of professional themed website or blog for the purpose of sharing recreation therapy ideas and local resources and yes, I do get asked once in a while if my projects or programs are on line for others to get ideas. I really don't want to divide my blogging efforts between two spaces but I have been a bit hesitant to let professional colleagues have access to my umm... vulnerable side which I occasionally share here.

The other side of the issue is that I think the programs I can share would be useful for some of the people who already visit this blog. People who have experienced some major life changes, caregivers and some of my friends might be interested too.

I have worried about this for a long time now and have finally worked it through in my own head. I am comfortable in who I am and I can own the experiences I have had. I have gone through a lot of ups and downs but I still keep going and the times when I have not coped well just show I am human and need support. That is not something to hide but something to be proud of.

I am looking forward to sharing some new posts with art projects, theme ideas and resources as well as more of the healthy living and therapy ideas I learn about on this journey.

Let's Draw Recreation Therapy-- Video

I love this little video. It explains in under 3 minutes what I do at work!

One thing the video does not make clear is that we need to make the activities fit the needs of the individuals. My seniors would not be suited to doing a ropes course for a social activity but they do love singing along with an entertainer or having a discussion group and coffee party!

Therapeutic Recreation is not all about fun and games... We look at the person's current abilities and needs as well as their interests, their past hobbies, work history and what new things they might like to try. We use that information to help a person with recovery or to maintain their current skills.

Our main objective is to help people achieve a good quality of life.

Music and Brain Injury

Last night I was reading a post on a Facebook board for Therapeutic Recreation directors asking about how best to use music to help people who have had traumatic brain injuries. I actually got kind of worked up reading the responses. I felt that people might not be recognizing the difference between the needs of people experiencing dementia and those with TBI. 

I wrote a short answer to that post but really I have a lot to say on the topic. Music is so much more than entertainment. It is part of who we are, a part of our experiences and what we remember. It is what some of us marched to, what we danced to at our weddings, and what we sang as we rocked our babies.

I have always loved music and grew up with it around me. My dad played piano and I started piano lessons when I was in grade two. I was always singing and I even met my husband when we were both members of our high school choir. Our four children all took music lessons and I can't begin to add up the hours of lessons, and concerts we took part in.

After I had the brain injury I developed a love / hate relationship with sound. Music and sounds had a horrible effect on me. I was very easily overwhelmed by movement and noise. The sound of music made me nauseous and dizzy and any kind of beat seemed to kick that constant headache I was feeling into high gear.  The more the music, the less I was able to focus and the more disjointed my memory and thinking became. I cried because I was missing music that had loved and I cried because music had the ability to incapacitate me even  further than I already was.

As time went by my physical and occupational therapists started to do things like adding sound and music to sessions and trying to get me to tolerate the music. A lot of therapy for dizziness is in the category of .. " You are not going to like this.. but we are going to take you to the point of being dizzy and then back it down a bit so we can build up your tolerance. Don't worry I will jump out of the way when you start to throw up!". Yes it is absolutely that horrible and you have to keep going back over and over for more torture, also called VRT or Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy, if you want any chance of having a life outside your bedroom.

Gradually music, in small doses, became one of  my greatest therapy helps. I started guitar lessons and I am sure I would not have regained such full use of my hand if I had not worked so very hard to get my hand moving on that guitar.  What I did not realize at the time was what a big impact the music was having on helping me recover some of my cognitive skills, especially my memory and sequencing of tasks.

My husband and I joined a community choir and there I was - out of the house doing something new and something other than therapy sessions. It was social, it was a new kind of learning and it felt encouragingly like a normal person kind of thing to do.

 

As I began my journey toward becoming a Recreation Therapist it was arranged that I would volunteer at the Misericordia Hospital. One volunteer position was helping with the spiritual care, mainly transporting people, handing out music and singing my little heart out with the residents during services. The other main job was assisting in a group program led by a music therapist who came weekly to the attached personal care home. The music was so powerful in both programs and what joy it brought to the residents!

I must admit that I personally don't do that much with music when I am at work at the personal care home. I have lots of opportunity when I could choose to run a music programs, but I rarely do. I think I value the role of music so much that I don't think I can live up to my own standards for this kind of program. This issue is apparently something I currently need to work on. I either better get to be a better musician or get over my perfectionist tendencies when it comes to the topic. I will have to report back about my progress in the future.

 I wrote in a previous post about singing a karaoke song at an event at the Stroke Recovery Association of Manitoba. That incident was very powerful for me in terms of mental and emotional health. The song I picked from the list of choices was the Beetles song, Blackbird. I was really scared to sing publically but I did it and felt so brave. When I finished there was no missing that I had an impact on the other people there. At first I thought they didn't like my singing or that the song was a bit too much. No, what happened is I had hit on a common emotion and wish for the group. It was what brought us together. We were all longing for the freedom of  having our broken wings fly again. We wanted our broken eyes to see again. To be free.

 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life- You were only waiting for this moment to arise

 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life- You were only waiting for this moment to be free

 

The power of music. 

 

 

 

Please note

 I was unable to find copyright info for the pictures this time. If there is a problem please let me know and I will gladly give credit or remove the pictures.

 

Convocation from College

On February 9th ... I attended my Convocation from Red River College and was conferred with the title of Therapeutic Recreation Facilitator.

The experience mattered a lot to me. It has been such a hard journey these past few years and it is still hard to believe that I have come so far. I did not realize how much I cared until I was in the middle of the ceremony. Just like any other graduate this is the start of a new phase of my life. A new beginning and it truly seemed like a miracle to me.

New friends from class graduated  beside me. My husband and two of my children were cheering me on from the audience, and I knew my other two children were cheering me on from their homes. I was surprised and so happy to realize that two of my best friends had come to the ceremony too and  I later heard that another friend watched me graduate via an internet link. When I joined the audience after the ceremony I looked at these terrific people and cried with happiness.

I have been very privileged to have so many wonderful people support me through times of loss, sadness and fear  and also there to share and celebrate in so much joy! Thank-you!

 



My new friends Janet, Linda M, and Ashtyn



My wonderful long-time friends Sue and Faye

My daughters, Alicia and Emily

 

 

Bob and me

Dealing with Loss

The theme for this section of school is Dealing with Loss and Palliative Care. Yeah. The topic is heavy. I just finished writing two papers that are due this week.



My Fall Sunset photo just seems to go with the theme.

We watched a movie in class that I blogged about last year, the Bucket List . We were challenged to create our own bucket list with a minimum of 15 items that we want to do, achieve or experience and explain why.  I apparently have a lot of things I want to do and even more of places I want to go. This assignment was fun for me and I just took a very casual style in writing it up, I kept adding web links  to show exactly where I want to travel to. I'm not sure what the teacher will think of web links scattered throughout my printed paper but it made me happy to write it that way.

The next one was much harder. We had to write about our personal experiences with the stages of grief.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book called On Death and Dying (New York: McMillan Publishing Company, 1969), presented a theory that people experience five different stages during the grieving process. The stages she suggested are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These stages are understood to occur at different speeds and in different orders and in fact a person might jump back and forth between these stages. The study was originally reflecting the experiences of the dying person and was revolutionary in its time. Common culture is now accepting that these stages are also seen in others who experience great loss be it the death of a loved one or other crisis; profound loss is expressed by the intense emotion of grief.

I could have written about the death of  one of my parents or even a large event that I was at where a tragic accident occurred but I decided the best thing for me would be to work through the experience of my illness and brain injury. Not an easy choice especially with marks attached. I swing rapidly back and forth between "the stages" on any given day.

•  Denial? I'm kind of thinking I was in denial when I decided I needed to go back to college.
• Anger? You bet. I just have to think about the hospital I was at. Just have to look at my cane. 
• Bargaining? Well maybe. Do you think if I just went up and down the stairs at school 500 more times I would get fitter and I would stop needing to depend on the elevator?
• Depression? Been there a lot and my social worker and meditation were very helpful in the first years. Time and physical recovery have helped.  There are still bad days though. Christmas was very hard.
• Acceptance? Okay yes sometimes  I accept the situation, because truth be told I am doing spectacularly well.  But then... something goes wrong. I drop a cup that I picked up with my left hand or I have trouble getting the laundry basket down the stairs. (This morning I got frustrated and just kicked my clothes loose down the stairs toward the washing machine). I get a bad headache and my first response isn't that I should go get Tylenol-- I imagine I am about to die and think about if I should call an ambulance or not.

Mainly though, I just get on with life.

Next week there are two more assignments to complete for this particular course. I have to do an art collage of my life and I have to work on my own Eulogy.  We will see how that goes.

Communicating

 There was an amazing post written in the past few days by Roia-- the Mindful Music Therapist. Roia talks about a nonverbal, autistic man that she works with who is showing that he is able to answer yes or no using word cards. She said it made her think about the song "I Wish I knew How It Would Feel to be Free".

Aside from trying to come to terms with the whole idea of actually communicating with me and having me understand him- overwhelming in and of itself for him, I think- there's the fact that it probably won't change his life in any appreciable way.  

Sara, from Girl with a Cane, wrote in a related post that Roia's post moved her so deeply that she began to cry.  Amy at My Cerebellar Stroke Recovery was inspired to share her experiences.
I was touched by this topic too.

Going back to college has been a real struggle for me  I still have huge fatigue issues, I still loose my balance and sensory issues sometimes win out. I occasionally wonder of this is worth all the effort. Other times I know that this is the right place for me.

When we went to the nursing home last week I was asked to help a lady in a wheelchair get her coat on.  She looked a bit panicked at a new person helping. She has aphasia and her main language is not English. She tried to explain that she could not move her right arm and that it needed to go in the jacket first. She said "Stroke" and was tearing up. I leaned my cane against the wall and reached to help with the coat. I looked her in her lovely eyes and said" Me too.".  I touched her bad hand and said "Your stroke"  and then I touched my left hand and leg and pointed at my cane and said " My side.".  Her left  hand reached out to me and pulled me toward her in a hug and she said .. "You Understand!". We were both tearing up at that point. She said "12: . I said "5 years.".

Yes I do understand .... so much more than her words. 
 

 

Send "I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free"

I wish I knew how
It would feel to be free
I wish that I could break
All the chains holding me
I wish I could say
All the things that I'd should say
Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole round world to hear
I wish I could share
All the love that's in my heart
Remove all the bars
It keeps us apart
I wish you could know
What it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree
That every man should be free

I wish I could give
All I'm longin' to give
I wish I could live
Like I'm longin' to live
I wish I could do
All the things that I can do do
And though I?m way over due
I'd be starting a new

Well I wish I could be
Like a bird in the sky
How sweet it would be
If I found out I could fly
And I'd sore to the sun
And look down at the sea
And I sing cos I know - yea
And I sing cos I know - yea
And I sing cos I know
I?d know how it feels
Oh I'd know how it feels to be free
Yea Yea I'd know how it feels
Yes I'd know
I'd know
How it feels
How it feels
To be free