Tortoise and the Hare

Once upon a time....
well I used to be a hare.

A few weeks back one of my daughters drove me to my physio appointment and came in with me. My new therapist asked her what some of her concerns about me were--- he actually phrased it "What are some of your mom's deficits now as compared to before her illness?" and the word deficit hit her really hard.

After sputtering a bit she came out with the fact that it upsets her to see her previously speedy mom doing everything slow. Now, I would never have been classified as the high energy, cheer leader person in a group, but once I got going I was very efficient. When cooking dinner I would procrastinate at first but once I got started the chopping was happening, the water boiling and I was running top speed. Rachael Ray could have learned a thing or two from me about speedy meal preparation.

I really struggle with this business of moving slowly too. I tend to forget that my life has changed and start off at top speed and trip and wipe out the first time I try to turn around. I also forget to allow enough time to get items completed and I wind up in a crisis with stuff not getting done promptly or being done very poorly.

The physical issues were what the daughter was referring to, but what gets to me personally is how long it takes to do the thinking skills. For the most part I think I do pretty well now with some mix of real recovery and "tricks of the trade" I have learned from my wonderful Occupational therapist and other sources, but it all is so very slow and laborious. I need to check and recheck everything. Reading is still hard and I now have to look things up over and over again that I would have remembered at one viewing. I have to make a plan for almost anything new I try to do and even some of the old challenges and then review my plan and then plan even more details.

There is no more just jumping in with both feet ... sprooooinnng off the diving board. I have to stick in one toe to test the water and then go back to get the bathing suit I forgot and then figure out where to leave my cane. Then, once my little swim is over and I get out of the water, all I want is nap time and I am no longer eager to hop off to my next event.

I am trying to embrace my new life as a tortoise. I do hope that the old fable is correct and the tortoise really can win the race.